Oil on Panel

I got to the studio today and decided to prime another layer of gesso onto the panel, because after sanding it down previous layers, the gesso looked too thin. I rather have an extra layer on rather than a rotted-down painting.

Waited for it to dry in the cold studio (the radiators are sold out everywhere), then sanded the layer of gesso. In the end I’ve managed to get a ‘rough sketch’ of what I intend to paint for Bride and Broom on really thinned out paint.

Pavlov’s Lemon Revisited

On hindsight I was a bit heavy-handed with how I handled explaining the concept behind the work. (I wonder what possessed me?), but I still believe Pavlov’s Lemon is a title appropriate to describe this piece. From another perspective, the lemon minced with the pacifier is absurd and ridiculous, like Sisyphus and his rock.

I did at one point have an idea to repeat making this every time I was feeling angsty. But it’s not the right action plan for me. I’m not that type of artist who is experimental with the process of making, because I think of the whole concept before executing it. I’ve since realised this has happened to me with the tentacle drawings – I tend to trap myself in repeating artworks to make my creative trajectory more stable when hurt and stressed. [In the niche MBTI context, it is the inferior vs dominant function. <– something for my own notes.]

The Tentacles – TW (Only read this if you are into psychoanalysis).

The new artworks, Pavlov’s Lemon (2023) and Bride and Broom (WIP)  – even though they are visually different from the MA work – the current ones are slowly unfolding the situation with the tentacles.

I used to mention that these are vases and ornaments – now it is clear (to me) that these ornaments are wilted flower stems, which are either idealised as something beautiful in nature, or dismissed as hideous decaying pests.

I have a death wish for thinking this, but I think of the duality of desire and disgust, as how we come across the parts we really don’t want to meet (but we must), so it’s often projected onto others who we hate to love, and love to hate.

Asexuality

I’ve never really ‘understood’ the desire behind the phallic stems or the petals of the flowers. Intellectually the phallic and cave structures made sense to me, but only in the folly of visual metaphors and the form of biology books.